Finding the Way Home

Prayers Ascending

2006-06-23T10:12:00.000-04:00

At the fabulous suggestion of my friend Mark, I have created an offshoot of this blog called Prayers Ascending for any interesting prayers that I happen to come across. I am subscribed to all kinds of email lists and am always messaging interesting prayers to him, so he suggested I share with everyone. Enjoy!

How's about a silly meme?

2006-06-21T22:07:00.000-04:00

Stolen from Elizabeth....

1. Open up your media player or winamp or ipod or whatever, set it to shuffle.
2. List the first 25 songs.
3. Add "in my pants" to the end of each song title.
4. Bold your favourites.

1. Long, Long Ago in My Pants - All Saints' Choir (....far, far away....)
2. Love and Luck in My Pants - Jimmy Buffett (Yeah, not so much....)
3. Pray That Jerusalem May Have in My Pants - Wells Cathedral Choir (makes not much sense, huh?)
4. Starshine in My Pants - Gorillaz (My God, they're full of stars....)
5. Cowboy Junkies Lament in My Pants - Cowboy Junkies (I'm so sorry....)
6. Main Titles in My Pants - The Little Mermaid Soundtrack (And wait 'til you see the ending!)
7. Louisiana Hannah in My Pants - Webb Wilder (Laissez les bons temps rouler!)
8. Moanin' Coat in My Pants - Michelle Malone (Yes, I keep a coat in my pants just in case...)
9. Conduit for Sale! in My Pants - Pavement (See me for all your electrical needs!)
10. Bullwinkle, Part II in My Pants - The Centurians (Is that a moose in my pants??)
11. The Sword of Islam in My Pants - Saviour Machine (Ouch!)
12. What Sweeter Music in My Pants - University Choir, The University of the South (None sweeter....)
13. One PM Again in My Pants - Yo La Tengo (Pocket watch! Get it? Yeah?)
14. Masquerade/Why So Silent in My Pants - The Phantom of the Opera (Duh...no Taco Bell for lunch!)
15. Somewhere Far Beyond in My Pants - Blind Guardian
16. Cornflake Girl in My Pants - Tori Amos (The Cookie Crisp Girl was busy....)
17. Silent Night in My Pants - Jamie O'Neal (Most of them are....)
18. Jamming in My Pants - Bob Marley (Always!)
19. Deireadh An Tuath in My Pants - Enya (???)
20. Love Song for a Savior in My Pants - Jars of Clay (Uhhhh....no)
21. Shell of a Man in My Pants - The Juliana Theory (*sigh*)
22. The Mahavishnu Mountain Boys in My Pants - Sam Bush (Get them out!)
23. Burning My Soul in My Pants - Dream Theater (As long as that's all that's burning....)
24. Friendship in My Pants - Judy Garland (I love you, You love me....)
25. Flippin' Jenny in My Pants - The Reel Time Travelers (Smackin' and rubbin' down, too....)

Little Boy Lost

2006-06-18T22:05:00.000-04:00

So it's been nearly six months since I last posted here....

Much like cheesy 80's Genesis I live in a Land of Confusion. Things haven't gone too well on the ex front for a few months now, and the majority of my mind wants to move on. Things have not improved as much as I had thought they had in many ways. Whenever I'm around her I just feel plain uncomfortable, so I find myself being distant. I don't like that.

So I'm trying to make a decision here, and it feels like I'm in pretty much the same spot I was in right before the divorce. I'm not happy, and (I'm guessing) that my not being happy certainly doesn't make her happy. I don't want to be unfair to her and keep wasting her time, and she has said as much to me. I just really HATE breaking things off with anyone; I feel like I'm disappointing them, that I'm maybe not trying my hardest. Bah....

So that's where I am, for what it's worth. Not the greatest place in the world.

Back for the Attack!

2006-01-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

OK, so I went seriously missing in action there for a loooooong time. The last couple of months of 2005 were decidedly odd. Things I have been up to (in no particular order):

Well, even though I'm denying that there is any order to this list, this tidbit of information should probably come first....I've been dating my ex-wife since just after Thanksgiving. What a wacky situation it is, let me tell you! I don't know how much detail I ever went into over why we were divorced in the first place (I know some of you know, though), but she's doing much better with her eating disorder, her attitude and outlook on life has done a complete 180, and (this is the bit that got me) she's been seeing a spiritual director/counselor. She even came to church with me today, a practice which was a major issue in our previous life together. Suffice to say, I'm cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. The two major issues that I had with her seem to be being dealt with, and we're seeing a couples counselor to address some of the issues (mainly communication and intimacy) that we had together. God willing....
I can't recall whether I ever posted about this, but probably not....I was offered full-time employment at my company which will begin effective January 23, so I'm very excited about that. I really like this company, my co-workers, and my job itself at this point in my life. Does that mean that the call I heard about possibly being a priest was not a call at all? I don't know....I've not completely disgarded the idea, and I have a feeling that if God really does want me to serve in that capacity I won't be able to disgard the idea.
I actually have some goals (and plans for them) for 2006, the primary goal being the elimination of all of my debt. Goal #2 is the purchase of a townhome or condo by end of June 2007. Quicken is really being helpful in this arena.
Sadly, the Episcopal Fit Challenge was a complete failure. I signed up in November for the Team in Training for a half marathon. I successfully trained for a little over a month before my knees completely gave out on me. I should probably go to a doctor and have them looked at, but I don't really like going to the doctor so I've been putting it off. I went back to the gym yesterday for the first time in approximately 3 weeks and did a half hour on the elliptical trainer (no impact on the knees...yay!). I was surprised to see that I had only gained 3 pounds what with all the holiday eating and complete lack o' exercise.
Again sadly, my prayer life hasn't been what it should be this past couple o' months, either. But, as Beth pointed out in her sermon this morning, a new year is a clean slate. May God help me improve on this front....

So it was a hectic/crazy/surreal end of the year, but 2006 holds much promise. It may be cheezy to say, but I feel as though a corner has been turned, that lessons have been learned, and that brighter days are ahead.

May God fill 2006 with blessings for you all!

Thank God for TR!

2005-10-17T21:44:00.000-04:00

OK, so we're finally back to doing Theological Reflections at EfM after several weeks of Spiritual Autobiographies. And for the first one of the year, it was a doozie! We started from the Tradition quadrant, reading Exodus 32:1-14. It's the bit where the Israelites build the Golden Calf, God gets really angry and decides to smite them, but then Moses talks Him out of it. The operative word for me for the evening was "grace," favor given without merit.

I believe that grace is freely given to all, that there's nothing we have to do for it. (I stymied another member of the group by saying that I believe that we don't even have to believe in God to receive His grace; the whole point of grace to me is that there are no conditions at all.) Do we always recognize grace when we see it? No, of course not; we mistake it for a lucky break assuming we notice it at all.

I certainly haven't been noticing the abundant grace in my life lately; I've been far too busy feeling sorry for myself. As a result of tonight's TR, though, I've come to the realization that putting so much energy into feeling sorry for myself is a waste of time and opportunity. I haven't done anything at all to warrant the blessings which I do have in my life (and which I consistently ignore), but I will endeavour to thank God as often as possible for them.

So #1 on the list is thanking God for Theological Reflection and EfM without which I would most likely still be moping around wasting the good life which I am blessed to have.

Thanks be to God!

Bleh....

2005-10-17T07:29:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling down lately and consequently went into "hermit" mode this weekend. I spent most of the weekend alone aside from a brief foray to a friend's house to watch a little football (I didn't stay very long), church, and youth group. (Sorry, Elizabeth, for missing Fr. Keating!). Even at the church activities, I didn't hang around afterward as I normally do. I've been doing a lot of sleeping lately, too, finding it difficult to drag my fat butt out of bed in the mornings. Not really sure what my problem is, but I'm hoping it goes away really soon....if you're inclined to it, I'd appreciate any prayers you might throw my way....God bless....

Kanuga, etc.

2005-10-03T21:48:00.000-04:00

OK, I'm going to do the etc. first because it is irritating me greatly at the moment. It shouldn't, but it is.

Tonight's EfM didn't go as well as I would have liked. There was a little bit of tension which I wasn't happy about, but it can't always be perfect, right? (I had written more about the specifics, but then realized that there's absolutely no need to go into all of it so erased it. It was enough just to get it out, but nobody else needs to be dragged down by it.) I'm okay with it all now....

Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of the way....

Kanuga was great! For those of you not in the know, Kanuga is an Episcopal retreat center in the mountains of western North Carolina near Hendersonville. My church goes up there for a weekend every October. This weekend marked my second visit.

It's primarily a social event, although there is normally some kind of program that is given on the Saturday morning of the weekend. Well, the scheduled speaker this year sadly passed away just a month or so before, so they decided to do service projects at the kids' camp run by the same folks.

Anyway, I drove up Friday with one of my friends from my EfM group. I wasn't able to leave work until after 3:00 because of a meeting. Ah, well, what can you do? After stopping by my place and getting my things and picking up my friend, it was 4:30 before we headed out in earnest. It took us an HOUR AND A HALF to get out of Atlanta. Ridiculous! Needless to say, we missed the 6:30 dinner, so we stopped in Greenville for cheap Mexican.

We finally got there at 10:00, and enjoyed the last hour of the social hour. A couple glasses of wine calmed me down, and I headed off to bed.

Saturday morning I went with the youth to nearby Chimney Rock where we hiked around for a couple of hours. Sadly, only 13 kids signed up to go, but it was nice to get to know those few kids a little bit better. Several of them are in my Rite 13 class on Sunday mornings, so that was good.

We got back around 1:00, and I just chilled after that. I spent a little time walking the labyrinth there. (It's pretty nice and quite a bit larger than the one at St. Philip's, although they are both of the Chartres design.) Then I sat on the back porch of the inn in a rocking chair and pretended to read while dozing a bit. I finally decided to give up on the pretense of reading and went back to my room for a nap.

Then it was time for another social hour which was fun, and then dinner which was greasy fried chicken served family style in a very poor fashion. Needless to say, my eating was not anywhere NEAR healthy this weekend....

However, after dinner was a "Motown" dance down by the lake at which I shook my proverbial tail feather for a couple of hours and completely enchanted a beautiful girl...

...who is 2. My friend's adopted daughter just thought I was the bee's knees, let me tell you. She made eyes at me all weekend long....

Anyway, they stopped playing Motown around 10:00 and started playing other music which wasn't nearly as good, so my EfM friend and I left and headed to what I have heard dubbed "The Gay Cabin," "The Boys' Cabin," and "The Party Cabin."

A little background - my church is in midtown Atlanta, and we have a fair number of gay and lesbian members. Each year at Kanuga several gay men (many of whom are dear friends of mine) all get a cabin together and throw the absolute BEST party. Everybody stops in at some point for the festivities. I closed my Saturday evening out there talking to friends and imbibing just a wee bit more than I should have....ah, live and learn! (You'd think I'd have learned by now, tho....at least I wasn't alone in my over-indulgence, though; there were quite a few bleary eyes on Sunday morning....)

Anyway, I was in bed by 12:15 or so and the Sunday morning Eucharist wasn't until 9:30, so I got a good night's sleep and didn't feel TOO badly the next morning. The service was nice and an interesting break from the normal Sunday All Saints' experience in that everyone was dressed very casually. And we always end with everyone singing "When the Saints Go Marching In" as we file out of the church. Good stuff....

After brunch/lunch, my friend and I packed up and headed back to Atlanta. We were both very tired, so after I dropped her off at her house, I came home and took a nice nap. And THEN I went to bed early....awesome....and NOW I'm going to bed. G'night!

Rocking on a Sunday Afternoon....

2005-09-25T14:45:00.000-04:00

Y'all can thank Elizabeth for leading me to a little Britny Fox right about now:

Well, here they come girls from the school,
Breakin' the rules, hot on the loose.
My girl left right from school,
came over to my house, woo!

At the GIRLSCHOOL!
Coz my baby broke all the rules!

Ah, yes, nothing like a little cheesy 80's metal on a Sunday afternoon....

I have been pretty incredibly LAME this weekend (a trend which I am quite obviously continuing by listening to Britny Fox). On Friday evening I went to play a little music trivia since I had missed it on our regular Wednesday night. We sucked big-time...but, hey, I won a couple of shooters by recognizing Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill" and The Kinks' "Come Dancing" before anyone else. Good enough....

Yesterday I met up with a buddy of mine and his brother to watch the Georgia Tech/Virginia Tech game. They're both big GT fans. We first went to ESPNZone, but it was packed, so we went up the road to Loco's Deli & Pub. We ate and watched only the first half since GT was getting SPANKED big-time. I then had absolutely NOTHING to do, so I went by Tower and picked up the Calexico/Iron & Wine collaboration In the Reins for $7.99 and the DVD of Singles for $6.99. I did pretty well this particular visit.

The CD is really good, by the way....I love Iron & Wine and Sam Beam wrote all the songs, so it's like a new Iron & Wine CD with a lot more instrumentation (via Calexico) than usual. Highly recommended....

I just laid around last night, read my EfM lesson, watched Singles (which is a FANTASTIC movie), listened to some music, and then went to bed. Lame, lame, lame....

I was scheduled to serve as lector at the 11:15 service this morning, so I slept until nearly 8:00, went to Sunday School where my co-teacher showed clips from Joan of Arcadia, and we talked a little bit about how we perceive God. Chris' sermon at the 11:15 was really good, dealing with how God is calling each of us to do His work, regardless of whether we think we're capable or worthy. It's an idea with which I sometimes struggle.

I did a little shopping after church - got another pair of jeans, some shirts, and some new shoes, all of which were pretty sorely needed. Crikey, I loathe spending money on clothing, though....I mean, there's so much music I have yet to buy! Lol....

Anyway, I've got some chores to do and some grocery shopping before I have to be back at church for youth group. I will really try not to go so long without posting again. The last couple of weeks were super-busy for me, and it looks like some of that is lifting. We'll see....

Okay....

2005-09-08T21:56:00.000-04:00

Maggi had a wonderful prayer posted a little below the previous poem:

O Lord my God
teach my heart
where and how to seek you,
where and how to find you.
O Lord you are my God
and you are my Lord
and I have never seen you.
You have made me and remade me,
and you have bestowed on me all the good things I possess
and still I do not know you.

I have not yet done that for which I was made.

Teach me to seek you
for I cannot seek you unless you teach me
or find you unless you show yourself to me.
Let me seek you in my desire,
let me desire you in my seeking.
Let me find you by loving you,
let me love you when I find you.

St Anselm

Tired, but here....

2005-09-08T21:52:00.000-04:00

I know, I know....really, though, not all that much has been happening lately...things are about to get SUPER busy, though, let me tell you....anyway, Maggi Dawn posted this poem , and I absolutely LOVE it:

This Day in Paradise

this day in paradise
new feet are treading through
high halls of gold

this day in paradise
new legs are striding over jewelled fields in which
the diamond
is considered ordinary

this day in paradise
new eyes have glimpsed the deep fire ready
to flame the stale earth pure

this day in paradise
new blood, the rose red juice that gushed at golgotha
now ripples and races down the pure veins
of a recently arrived beloved

this day in paradise
a new heart pounds in praise
a new body shaped by sacrifice

this day in paradise
the daunting dart of death
has no point
no place
and no meaning

and whilst we mourn and weep
through these human hours
this day in paradise
the blazing embrace
between saviour and son goes on and on and on...

(by stewart henderson)

God bless all who are suffering or dying this night....

Amen

New blog

2005-09-06T08:15:00.000-04:00

Hey, y'all....just a short post to point you to my new blog - Episcopal Fit Challenge. I've been stuck at the weight I'm at for a few months now, so I've started a fitness blog to help me break on through and meet my goal of 150 by the end of the year. Cue "Eye of the Tiger"....

iTunes Magic 8-Ball

2005-09-05T12:28:00.000-04:00

Yes, I still live....yes, I'll post something real soon....meantime, I stole this from Elizabeth:

iTunes eight-ball: put your iTunes on random, then ask it each question before going to the next song.

What do you think of me, iTunes?
New Echota - Jeff Autry
(Hmmm....I'm a bluegrass guitar instrumental? I'm an Indian mound? No clue....)

Will I have a happy life?
Totally Committed - Jeff Foxworthy
(LOL....actually, this "song" is about being married which isn't necessarily a bad thing....)

What do my friends really think of me?
Day After Day - Dreams So Real

I remember finding out about you
Every day my mind is all around you
Looking out from my lonely room
Day after day
Bring it home, baby, make it soon
I'll send my love to you....

Do people secretly lust after me?
Mindblower - The Lost
(OK, it's a song about a guy calling a 1-900 number....I guess that's a yes?)

How can I make myself happy?
Hosanna filioi David - Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos
(Enter the monastery? Give glory to God? Chant?)

What should I do with my life?
Grinch 2000 - Busta Rhymes and Jim Carrey
(Steal Christmas? Grow my heart two sizes?)

Why must life be so full of pain?
Faded Genes - Jeff Foxworthy
(OK, more Foxworthy....he's talking about his wife's Louisiana relatives....eerie....)

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Molly - Sponge
(Fantasize about Molly Ringwald? Or maybe have sex WITH Molly Ringwald....)

Will I ever have children?
The Movie - Aerosmith
(OK, it's an instrumental....yeah, that doesn't make any sense at all....)

Will I die happy?
My Desire - Jeremy Camp
(CCM....OK....)

This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire
To be used by you....

Can you give me some advice?
The Captain and the Kid - Jimmy Buffett
(Hmmm....have a nice relationship with your grandson?)

What do you think happiness is?
The Unholy - Savatage
(LOL....Savatage RAWKS!!!)

What's my favorite fetish?
The Storm - from The Little Mermaid Soundtrack
(OK, yeah, storms are sexy....)

I loves me some music memes....

2005-08-25T18:42:00.000-04:00

1. Find the top 100 songs from the year you graduated from high school.
2. Cut and paste them into your journal.
3. Bold the ones you like(d).
4. Underline your favorite.
5. Strike through the songs you loathe.
6. Italicize the songs you're pretty sure you've never heard.

100. Tic-Tac-Toe-Kyper

99. Mentirosa-Mellow Man Ace

98. Thieves In The Temple-Prince

97. Swing The Mood-Jive Bunny and The Mastermixers

96. Without You-Motley Crue

95. Whole Wide World-A'me Lorain

94. Just A Friend-Biz Markie

93. Jerk Out-Time

92. Forever-Kiss

91. What It Takes-Aerosmith

90. This One's For The Children-New Kids On The Block

89. Make You Sweat-Keith Sweat

88. When I'm Back On My Feet Again-Michael Bolton

87. We Can't Go Wrong-Cover Girls

85. C'mon and Get My Love-D-Mob With Cathy Dennis

~~85. (It's Just) The Way That You Love Me-Paula Abdul~~

84. Oh Girl-Paul Young

83. Whip Appeal-Babyface

~~82. I Go To Extremes-Billy Joel~~

81. Everybody Everybody-Black Box

80. Romeo-Dino

~~79. All Or Nothing-Milli Vanilli~~

78. Love Shack-B-52's

~~77. Just Like Jesse James-Cher~~

76. Love Takes Time-Mariah Carey

75. Epic-Faith No More

74. Here We Are-Gloria Estefan

73. Get Up! (Before The Night Is Over)-Technotroic

~~72. What Kind Of Man Would I Be?-Chicago~~

71. King Of Wishful Thinking-Go West

70. Girls Nite Out-Tyler Collins

69. Price Of Love-Bad English

68. Love Song-Tesla

67. Enjoy The Silence-Depeche Mode

66. Giving You The Benefit-Pebbles

65. Free Fallin'-Tom Petty

64. I'll Be Your Shelter-Taylor Dayne

63. The Humpty Dance-Digital Underground

62. Janie's Got A Gun-Aerosmith

61. Can't Stop-After 7

60. Black Cat-Janet Jackson

~~59. Something Happened On The Way To Heaven-Phil Collins~~

58. Just Between You and Me-Lou Gramm

~~57. I Wish It Would Rain Down-Phil Collins~~

56. U Can't Touch This-M.C. Hammer

55. Ready Or Not-After 7

~~54. Do You Remember-Phil Collins~~

~~53. How Can We Be Lovers-Michael Bolton~~

52. Praying For Time-George Michael

51. No More Lies-Michel'le

50. Come Back To Me-Janet Jackson

49. With Every Beat Of My Heart-Taylor Dayne

48. Have You Seen Her-M.C. Hammer

47. Blame It On The Rain-Milli Vanilli

46. Ice Ice Baby-Vanilla Ice

45. Alright-Janet Jackson

44. Here and Now-Luther Vandross

43. Back To Life-Soul II Soul

42. Everything-Jody Watley

41. Roam-B-52's

40. I'll Be Your Everything-Tommy Page

39. Rhythm Nation-Janet Jackson

~~38. Downtown Train-Rod Stewart~~

~~37. I Don't Have The Heart-James Ingram~~

36. We Didn't Start The Fire-Billy Joel

35. Dangerous-Roxette

~~34. Step By Step-New Kids On The Block~~

33. Unskinny Bop-Poison

32. Sending All My Love-Linear

31. Two To Make It Right-Seduction

30. Don't Wanna Fall In Love-Jane Child

29. Love Will Lead You Back-Taylor Dayne

28. (Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection-Nelson

27. The Power-Snap

26. If Wishes Came True-Sweet Sensation

25. She Ain't Worth It-Glenn Medeiros Featuring Bobby Brown

24. Rub You The Right Way-Johnny Gill

23. I Remember You-Skid Row

~~22. l Wanna Be Rich-Calloway~~

21. All Around The World-Lisa Stansfield

~~20. Don't Know Much-Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville~~

~~19. Release Me-Wilson Phillips~~

18. Black Velvet-Alannah Myles

17. Close To You-Maxi Priest

16. All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You-Heart

15. Escapade-Janet Jackson

14. Opposites Attract-Paula Abdul

13. Pump Up The Jam-Technotronic

~~12. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You-Michael Bolton~~

11. Do Me!-Bell Biv Devoe

10. Blaze Of Glory-Jon Bon Jovi

9. Cradle Of Love-Billy Idol

8. Hold On-En Vogue

~~7. Another Day In Paradise-Phil Collins~~

6. Vision Of Love-Mariah Carey

3. Nothing Compares 2 U-Sinead O'Connor

5. Vogue-Madonna

4. Poison-Bell Biv Devoe

2. It Must Have Been Love-Roxette

1. Hold On-Wilson Phillips

Serenity Now!

2005-08-22T21:07:00.000-04:00

What a crazy day! It started out just fine, proceeded swiftly downhill, but then cruised to a decent finish. I'm wiped, though....

The expected third person officially dropped out of EfM today, but it looks like I've got another person to step in so that's okay. But I thought it was all going to hell when I was asked who this new person is (the one I added last week) on the distribution list and where is this other expected person? It was my fault; I should have communicated beforehand what all was going on, but I was so focused on making sure we had enough people to have the group this year that it just didn't occur to me. So I apologized for that and explained what has happened over the course of the last week and why we have to add new people to the group this year. Everyone (at last) seemed okay with everything.

I was really upset about the whole thing this afternoon, though. It took me 45 minutes and a phone call to my old mentor to craft an email response that I thought was diplomatic. But it's done now....and the seminar begins in three weeks. But I've got a LOT to do between now and then, first and foremost getting one more person signed on. I think that will happen tomorrow, though, so that should be fine.

The other negative thing that happened was that the lady whom I was going to ask about attending the show on Saturday evening up and decided to close me out. Which is fine; I had been getting very mixed signals from her, but on top of everything else, it put me in a bad mood. Bleh....

I probably have waaaayyy too much going on in my life right now to be dating anyone anyway....

So the remainder of the EfM group (minus my co-mentor and plus the one confirmed new member) met this evening and had some pretty good discussion. It went a lot better than I had anticipated, but I was still nervous about it. I'm sure I'll get used to doing this eventually, right?

Ah, well, I'm okay now....I've taken a few deep breaths and cleared my mind. And I'll be hitting the sack soon because we have a deployment at work tomorrow morning so I need to be in at 7:00 a.m. which means I should leave here by 6:30 which means I should be up by 5:45. Alright!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Lost in La Mancha

2005-08-21T21:29:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth; I just had a very busy week last week. So I'm just now getting around to a new post. So what's been going on?

Well, in not-so-breaking EfM news, two of our group decided they were not going to be part of the group this year. One was expected; one was not. Plus, there is one more who may or may not be coming back. The sirens went off and the search was on for some new members. The coordinator put me in touch with a woman who is very keen on entering the course, so she immediately said yes. I placed a couple other phone calls but got no other responses. I've got a few more folks to call tomorrow, so we'll see. With the one added last week, we'll have the minimum for the group...barely! I have faith, though, that it will all work out. What else can I do?

In other churchy news I attended a meeting/dinner this evening with the parents of the 7th graders which I will be teaching in Sunday School for the next couple of years. The Youth Director explained the program (which was beneficial to me, too, as I only knew a very little about it). I met the couple with whom I will be group-teaching the course. There is one additional lady who will be coming on board at the end of October, but I know her already. It was nice enough; I was asked to get up and say a few words about myself as most of the folks there did not know me. I wasn't too terribly intimidated....we'll see how I handle the first day of class (at which I will be the ONLY teacher as my cohorts will be out of town!).

The rest of the week was pretty much typical of any other week. The Daniel study went well, although we lost power about halfway through. Somehow, though, the candles we lit to see each other by just seemed "right". It reminded me of a dark medieval church, only missing a brotherhood of monks doing some chanting....I've always had a fascination with monasticism for some reason, although I don't (at this time anyway) feel called to participate in that life for myself.

Anyway, I facilitated that evening, so I had a page full of questions which I wanted to discuss. We only got through a few of them, though, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I pray that our EfM seminars will be as fruitful this year.

I went to Turner Field on Tuesday night and watched the Bravos totally hand the game over to the Dodgers in the 8th inning. Now, I'm not a big baseball fan, but I do enjoy going to the park and rooting on the home team. So I'd really, really like them to win when I go, especially when I'm shelling out $6 for a hot dog and $6 for a beer! The jerks....

Those were pretty much the highlights of the week. I stayed in on Friday and watched Gangs of New York; very, very cool movie. Daniel Day-Lewis is one of the finest actors out there; he completely becomes whatever character he is playing. I'm a big fan!

Went last night to see the new Wes Craven flick Red Eye. It was actually pretty thrilling! I had a great time with it and was impressed with strong performances from both Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy. Nice job!

This week could possibly be interesting; I've been chatting with a woman I met through eHarmony for a few weeks now, but it's been sort of strange. Anyway I've got an extra seat at our table for the Josh Joplin show next weekend at Eddie's Attic, so I'm just going to throw it out there and see what she says. What harm can it do?

I'm also contemplating attending a singles "happy hour" on Thursday hosted by a company called 8 at 8. I'm not so sure about this one....I tend to be pretty shy around women and have NEVER (that I can recall) just gone up to a woman and introduced myself. Ah, gotta love those self-esteem issues....

So we'll see what life throws at me this week....wish me luck!

P.S. If you haven't seen the film that provided the title of this post, go rent it now! That's an order!

The Promised Post

2005-08-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

OK, I'm really tired and should be going to bed. I have an 8 a.m. meeting tomorrow which means I'll be working out after work and before my Daniel study instead of before work as usual. But I HAVE GOT TO work out....I ate like a big ol' pig this weekend....

Anyway, last week was just fine. Highlights were winning 2nd place at trivia on Wednesday night and seeing the one-man performance of The Gospel of John at Georgia Shakespeare on Thursday night. Wow, that was really mind-blowingly amazing. This guy Brad Sherrill memorized the nearly 20,000 words of The Gospel of John and performs it over the course of a couple or so hours. Since the Gospels (and most of the Bible, really) were not written to be but to be readheard it felt like a glimpse into what it must have been like hearing it in the 2nd century. I was truly blown away....

This weekend I went home to visit my folks; the 5th was my sister's birthday, but since I was in EfM Mentor Training that weekend, I went up this weekend instead. It was a fine visit, and my mom cooked waaaaayyyyy too much food, as usual. It was also nice attending Sunday morning service at my home parish in Tennessee, too, although it's always sad to see how all those folks I grew up with have grown so old! I guess that means that I'm getting older, too, huh? Heh....

Anyway, that's it from my oh-so-exciting life....woohoo!

Genius!

2005-08-14T17:26:00.000-04:00

OK, I've got a real post coming soon, but I just had to throw this out there! Thanks to Danielle for introducing me to the Daily Dancer! Watch and learn....

Weekend wrap-up and a small crisis....

2005-08-08T19:41:00.000-04:00

OK, here's the weekend wrap-up including a little more about the EfM Mentor Training which I completed on Saturday afternoon.

Saturday was an early morning; I needed to be at the Cathedral by 8:30 to help prepare for the Eucharist. It was controlled chaos as it tends to be at these things. But (as always) it turned out beautifully.

After that it was my and my partner Don's turn to lead our TR. Our previous night's effort had turned quite disastrous, so we were rescheduled for Saturday a.m. We did our reflection on a writing of St. Francis that I had chosen from a book that Don had brought. It turned out just fine, and I got some really nice feedback which really boosted my confidence level.

We then went through some of the administrative stuff which is, of course, important...but dull. And after that, we broke for lunch...mmmm...Fellini's Pizza! I ran over to the Cathedral Book Store before it closed and picked up a couple of interesting books - Walking the Literary Labyrinth which is about how reading can be a spiritual practice and a book on the history and use of the labyrinth as a contemplative practice. So I escaped the entire weekend spending less than $30 in that store! That was tough....

I didn't mention before that I had awoken Friday morning to find my iPod had burned up during the night as it was charging. It was very hot to the touch and there was a nice burnt mark on the INSIDE of the screen. I was highly irritated. So after training on Saturday I took it back to Best Buy where they finally gave me a new one (I had paid the extra $50 for the 3-year service plan). The good thing is that they had no more of the old monochrome iPods left in stock, so I got the new color screen one! Woohoo! But now I've got to load all my music back on it....which is a chore, believe me!

Once that was taken care of, I headed to The Vortex with some friends for an awesome mushroom swiss burger and a couple of brewskies. They make the best burger I've had in this city, and there is some truly fascinating people-watching there.

I was beat, though, so I came home and messed around with the new iPod for a while then crashed. Sunday morning was Eucharistic Minister duty at the 9:00 service and then catching up in the courtyard with a good friend for about an hour after. The remainder of the day was chilling out and cleaning my apartment.

I did watch The Road to Perdition, though. Pretty good flick! I'm a sucker for gangster movies like that, though. I absolutely love The Godfather movies and Miller's Crossing and The Untouchables, etc.

Which brings me to today and my first crisis as an EfM co-mentor. One of the members of our group isn't sure that he is going to come back this year; he wants to discuss the direction that the group is going to take with my co-mentor and I before he makes a commitment. I'm sad that he is thinking of dropping out, and I'm curious to hear what his reasons are; however, I certainly don't want to coerce anyone into doing anything from which they're not going to benefit. So my co-mentor and I are going to meet with him next week to discuss. In the meantime I'll be praying that it all works out as it should, whatever that might be.

Exhausted but fulfilled.....

2005-08-05T23:14:00.000-04:00

I am sooooo tired....

Last night I began the training to be an EfM mentor. Today was INTENSE. I was there from 9:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. And I have to be back at 8:30 a.m. to prepare for the group Eucharist.

I'm really not complaining, though, because I am learning so much. And I have met so many wonderful new friends. It is certainly a blessing to me. AND I'm starting to get really excited about the upcoming year of Monday evenings!

I'm too tired to get into all of it right now, but these last 30 hour or so have really put me in the mind to do some serious self-reflection, something which I have been consciously avoiding for a good long while now. Ever since the divorce last year I've been far more focused on getting myself back into "dating shape" physically and generally having a good time than I have been on my spiritual life. I have a feeling that that's going to change this year.

If only I could meet someone who is as committed to her own spiritual life as I am and is open-minded enough to accept that we each may have different viewpoints AND is willing to work together to come to a resolution surrounding those issues.....

Oh, and cute would be good, too!

Am I asking for too much?

I have a problem.....

2005-08-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

Do I really need all this music? No, I probably don't....but I keep hearing all this really GOOD music!!

OK, so I went into Tower Records today which was MISTAKE #1. Came out with four new discs.

Picked up a couple of discs from artists I had heard at Bragg Jam - Randall Bramblett and Robert Bradley. Good stuff! Also picked up the new String Cheese Incident and an older Drivin' n' Cryin' that I didn't have (it was only $7!!).

Then I came home to discover two discs in the mail that I had forgotten I had ordered. The Juliana Theory's Love and Elastica's eponymous album (they're not around anymore, so no link...sorry!).

Crikey, I've got strange tastes....

HELP ME!!!

Bragg Jam

2005-07-31T12:43:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you, I am BEAT. DOWN.

After work on Friday I headed down to Macon, GA, for Bragg Jam a cool little music festival with some bands that I really wanted to see, specifically the Drive-by Truckers and Southern Culture on the Skids. Traffic was horrible, and it took me more than two hours to drive the 80 miles. I found my hotel easily enough, freshened up, and started walking to find the music. The hotel staff was completely useless as to where I needed to go, but I didn't really have a hard time finding the stage.

I got there just a few minutes before the Truckers took the stage. I got myself a $2.50 Bud Light (one of the sponsors, so it was the only choice) and made my way up to the front of the stage. Man, those guys rocked my socks off! Excellent show, but a short one. They were done playing by 10:30 for some reason....

About mid-way through the set I had headed back to grab another beer when I ran into an old friend that I used to work with and with whom I share a lot of musical interest. I hadn't seen him since the Leftover Salmon show back in November. He and his wife had driven down to see the Truckers play and then were going to head up to Asheville for a different festival up there on Saturday. Small, small world it is....so I hung out with them and their friends for the remainder of the show.

Then we went over to a place called 550 Blues, a tiny, tiny place, but I loved it! A band called the Greyhounds was playing and they were really good. I danced up a storm until the set break and then headed (or stumbled, if you like) back to the hotel. It was around 1:30 or so, and I was dead tired.

On Saturday morning I woke up at 8:00 and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got on up and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Mmmmm.....love me some of those grits, biscuits, gravy, etc. I then drove over to the Georgia Music Hall of Fame and toured through that. It was a lot smaller than I thought it would be, but I saw some cool stuff including guitars once owned and played by Chet Atkins and Gregg Allman and the original music for Rocky Top! Who knew that a song so closely identified with Tennessee was written by a Georgian? I know Dawg fans HATE the song....

I went back to the hotel and took a nap before heading back to the outdoor stage where the Cigar Store Indians were to play at 3:00. I caught the last few songs of a local bluegrass band who were decent. Then some local African dance company performed some cool dances and awesome drumming. Finally CSI started setting up and up blows this horrible storm. Crikey! They stopped setting up and I headed for shelter. I ended up grabbing some food at the world (or at least regionally) famous Nu-Way Wieners. It wasn't bad. But the rain had set in....and SCOTS were supposed to play the outdoor stage at 5:30!!! I was irritated....

When the rain had slacked up a bit I walked back down toward the stage, but about mid-way the rain started coming down hard again. So I ducked into a bar called The Rookery. They were one of the Bragg Jam venues, as well, so I asked them if they knew what was going to happen with SCOTS but they didn't know. I braved the rain again and headed to The Hummingbird, another Bragg Jam venue. They didn't know anything either. So I just kept walking down to the outdoor stage where they told me that SCOTS had been rescheduled to play at 550 Blues at 6:00. Awesome! You know I headed straight there.

I settled in at the bar and found out that Randall Bramblett was actually going to play first at 6:30; then SCOTS would play. What an awesome band! I'll definitely be checking them out again!

Then it was time....what I'd been waiting for all summer long. SCOTS set up and started playing. I was dancing right in front. Rick and Mary were close enough to touch. In fact, Mary gave me a PBR that someone had bought for her! And some fried chicken a little later on in the set. And she shook my hand after they finished and thanked me for coming out. Stupid, stupid me should have gotten someone to take a picture of me with her, but NO, it didn't even occur to me until later on. Oh, well....I did pick up a rawkin' Soul City t-shirt....sweet....

I hopped on the shuttle they had running between venues to head back to The Hummingbird for Billy Joe Shaver. Well, I decided I had time to check out Bearfoot Hookers at Nashville Station first so I hopped off there. What a mistake....I only stuck around for a couple of songs; I just didn't dig them at all. I headed back out front to wait for the shuttle.

And I waited.

And I waited.

I finally just started walking all the way back to The Hummingbird. It took me about 20 minutes or so which wasn't too bad. I'd already waited at least that long for the shuttle to come back. Oh, well....

So when I get to The Hummingbird, they're not letting anyone else in unless someone comes out. It was PACKED. I waited in line for a good half hour before I gave up. I'll have to catch Shaver another time. I went by Jazzplex, but the band there had just finished. I didn't feel like waiting around for the next band, so I headed back over again to 550 Blues. I should have just stayed there the whole time....doh!

Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise was just getting set up, and let me tell you, they really were a surprise. They blew me away, to say the least. Yet another band I'll be checking out when they come back to the area. Crikey, they were good.

So I stuck around after RBBS for the Southern Bitch set. My friends from the night before had said they were awesome with a sound similar to the Truckers. They came on and were okay; I wasn't blown away. But Mary from SCOTS was dancing right next to me and rocking out! Awesome! I was exhausted, though, so I left at about 2 a.m and crashed.

I managed to sleep until nearly 10 this morning before I got up and drove back. I see a nap in my very near future I can tell you that.

All in all, it was an AWESOME weekend, rain and all! Check out pictures of the festivities here!

Trivial Pursuits

2005-07-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

Played Pop Culture trivia last night and took 3rd place. Played General Trivia tonight and took 2nd. It's been a good week for useless knowledge.

On a more sombre note, I am aghast at the second attack on London's transit system. My prayers go out to all the dead, the injured, the frightened, and, yes, to the attackers; may the love of God soften their hearts and teach them that we are all brothers and sisters.

In other news, this is most likely of interest only to Episcopalians, but Father Jake has a great take on what's going on up in Connecticut.

Not sure yet what's going on this weekend. May be taking in Dash Rip Rock at East Andrews' tomorrow night. They're a fun band. Other than that....who knows?

I just had to post this...

2005-07-19T22:44:00.000-04:00

Found this via Maggi Dawn (but be forewarned, it's violent but in a cartoonish way):

A bad day at work

God knows I've felt like this some days....

OK....

2005-07-19T21:36:00.000-04:00

I'm irritated....

I was relaxing and watching what was turning out to be a GREAT movie (Amazon Women on the Moon, a sequel of sorts to The Kentucky Fried Movie) when 30 minutes in it won't play any further. Bah! So I had to report the problem to Netflix and they'll send me another copy. I was enjoying this one far more than I had enjoyed TKFM. I was cracking up at the Mondo Condo, Hospital, and Blacks Without Soul skits! Plus, what a cast! Arsenio Hall, Michelle Pfeiffer, Peter Horton, Griffin Dunne, Joe Pantoliano, David Alan Grier, B.B. King, Roxie Roker, Rosanna Arquette, Steve Guttenberg....and that was just in the first 30 minutes! Ah, well....

Today was just fine. Work went by quickly and I felt like I got some things accomplished. As an added bonus, the sale of my timeshare finally closed, so there was some change deposited into my bank account! Woohoo!

Tomorrow afternoon there is a team outing to Dave & Buster's. Because I'm a contractor, I'm invited, but I won't get paid for it. Because I would love to be an employee, I'm going to go anyway. Besides, I need to get to know my co-workers better. Eating lunch solo is no fun, although I did get another chapter read in the new Harry Potter. Ah, well, should be fun anyway....

One More Thing

2005-07-18T22:21:00.000-04:00

I've been asked to do YET ANOTHER something....

This time the Tanzanian priest who came to visit my church this past spring has asked me to come as a missionary to his country and teach English at the Bible college where he teaches. Crikey!

I'm pretty sure that this is something that I don't want to do; I have, after all, committed to at least a year of mentoring my EFM group. If I decide to teach the 7th grade Sunday School, that's a 2-year commitment....

But how do I tactfully say "no"? Suggestions?

First Day

2005-07-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

Well, today went as expected. I got to the office at the appointed time and found that my boss was at the dentist. Fortunately someone brought me in and introduced me around, obtained the default password for my network login, and gave me some things to peruse until the boss arrived. Once the boss got in (all high on, as he said, "3 kinds of caine"), we grabbed lunch with another co-worker. When we returned the office, he asked another co-worker to help me get my PC set up with the application which I will be primarily working on. At this point we discovered that I do not have the correct type of operating system to set up the application. So a requisition has to be made, and that machine will get here eventually....

Pretty typical first day....at least I have network access and email. So that's something....I have a feeling I'll be doing a LOT of reading this week. But that was to be expected anyway....

It wasn't a bad experience, though; don't get me wrong! I'm glad to be back in a team-oriented environment. Pretty much everyone I met was very nice, and it turns out that three former co-workers also work there. So I'm not completely friendless...

Tonight's Daniel study was engaging, as expected. Tonight the topics ranged from abortion to euthanasia to homelessness to repentence. Very good stuff....

I am, however, very tired. I'll post more tomorrow....g'night!

Weekend Round-up

2005-07-17T21:11:00.000-04:00

Well, it wasn't much of a weekend, I'm afraid....

Friday evening I headed out to play team trivia with some friends of mine. It was nice to see those guys again, but I don't like the type of trivia that's played at this bar. We didn't do too well. Oh, well....

Saturday was mostly just laying around, although I did catch a matinee of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I really enjoyed it - Johnny Depp is such a brilliant actor....I really dug the Oompa Loompas, too. They were all played by one guy who was then digitally duplicated. He was brilliant! It seemed to conform to the book moreso than the 70's version did which I appreciated. I'll have to pull out my copy and re-read it; it's been ages....

This morning I pulled double duty at church. I served as lector at the 8:00 service and then as Eucharistic Minister at the 9:00 service. Attendance was pretty poor today; my friends who normally come to the 9:00 service weren't there. Ah, well....

I spent the rest of the day running errands and cleaning my apartment. I did my reading for tomorrow evening's Daniel study group and read the first few chapters of the new Harry Potter book. I'm not really far enough into it to make any sort of judgment call on it yet.

That's sadly the extent of my weekend....tomorrow I start the new job, so that should be something interesting to post about, right? Crikey, I need a life....

Catching up with....

2005-07-15T11:14:00.000-04:00

Crikey, I've been soooo out of commission for the last week....

Last Thursday I woke up feeling a little blah. The feeling worsened throughout the morning, so I left work before lunchtime and proceeded to spend the next several days laying about either on the sofa or my bed feeling awful. Hurricane Dennis was coming through, so I guess if one is going to be sick, it was just about the perfect weather for it. And, as I'm about to leave my current job, there wasn't a whole lot going on at work that I was missing.

I'm FINALLY feeling better now and quite eager to begin a new chapter in my life on Monday.

What else, though, has been going on, you might ask....

First off, I'd like to extend my thoughts and prayers to the citizens of London who were so horribly attacked last week. I offer this prayer from the Book of Common Prayer:

O God, the Father of all, whose Son commanded us to love our enemies: Lead them and us from prejudice to truth: deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and in your good time enable us all to stand reconciled before you, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And now onto more pleasant events....

I've been asked to teach a youth (7th grade) Sunday School class beginning this fall. It would be a two-year commitment, and I would not be the only teacher for the group; I don't know, though. I'm a little fearful of taking on another commitment in addition to co-mentoring my EFM group, being an EYC adviser, being in charge of the Holy Comforter meals, lectoring, and Eucharistic Ministering. Still, though, I'll be at the church for that Sunday School hour anyway....I told the Youth Minister that I'd like to talk some more about it before I make a decision, so I'm going to try to meet with him next week.

I got a good bit of reading done while I was laying about sick, not all of it quality I'm afraid....I read Michael Cunningham's new book Specimen Days which was quite good. I then picked up the paperback edition of The Rule of Four which struck me as a more cerebral DaVinci Code; I enjoyed it quite a bit. Lastly, I'm very near to finishing one of my guilty pleasure books - Brimstone by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. These guys write the novel equivalents of big summer popcorn movies, and this one is no different. They are truly escapist fiction for me.

Some of the movies I watched over this period have included The Last Temptation of Christ (enjoyed it very much and was a bit different from what I had expected), Chicago (I really liked this one; I'm curious to see the stage version now), Sex and Lucia (a Spanish film which I enjoyed but was left a little unfulfilled by the ambiguous ending), Shadow of the Vampire (a really enjoyable film with great performances by John Malkovich and Willem Defoe), The Kentucky Fried Movie (I'd never seen it and found it to be mostly humorous), and lastly I went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith last night (How can you go wrong with Brad & Angelina? And Doug Liman is a fine, fine director). Not to mention I also finally picked up the Indiana Jones movies on DVD, so I re-watched Raiders for the first time in years. Love those movies!

The upcoming weekend is not going to be all that exciting, I'm afraid. Trivia with some old co-workers tonight. I'll probably see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at some point. And, of course, I'll be picking up the new Harry Potter book. I don't imagine I'll be doing much else besides reading that because I know once I start I won't be able to put it down....

Then I start the new job on Monday! I'm starting to get a little nervous about it, but I'm sure I'll fit in just fine. I felt instantly comfortable when I interviewed, but you never know what it will be like when you're there for an entire day. Wish me luck!

High Hopes

2005-07-05T22:26:00.000-04:00

I just got in from a summer study group on Daniel. All I can say is: "Wow!"

There was some amazing conversation over the course of nearly three hours ranging from gay rights to the AIDS epidemic in Africa to whether Christianity is the only path to salvation. I am blessed to find myself in such a diverse yet open-minded group; we can discuss difficult issues respectfully. I have learned (and continue to learn) so much from this group of people.

I am exhausted, though. I did not sleep well again last night. I woke up at 4 a..m. and had trouble falling back to sleep. I ended up taking a nap when I got home from work instead of going to the gym. And I'm still exhausted....

My hope is that my life will fall into a nice routine soon. Now that I have the new job I can focus on paying off some debt and establishing some savings. I can (hopefully) be fulfilled by the work that I do as opposed to just goofing off all day. I can (again hopefully) make some new friends and extend my social network. I have high hopes indeed.

Independence Day

2005-07-04T22:04:00.000-04:00

Well, no fireworks here. I walked around my complex to find out if I could see the fireworks being launched from Lenox Mall, but no dice. Oh, well...I do love fireworks, but maybe next year....or even before then!

My sister wants to road trip to Disney World next year....I'll certainly go, and I'll get my fireworks fix in then. Guess I'll just have to wait until then....

I spent the weekend at my parents' house. Well, minus Friday night....

On Friday evening I went to Smith's Olde Bar to catch the Eisley show. It was nothing short of AWESOME!! Pilotdrift and Lovedrug opened up for them. They were both fine, but I especially enjoyed Lovedrug.

After crawling home at 2 a.m., I was fantastically awoken by the fire alarm at 4:00. It turns out that there was a problem with the water flow to the sprinkler system which triggered the alarm. Sadly the firemen were unable to actually TURN OFF the alarm, so they had to call building maintenance to do it.

And what is my apartment complex doing to make amends for this rude awakening? They're giving my building hot dogs and sodas on Saturday at noon. Fantastic....guess it beats nothing, though....

The remainder of the weekend was spent stuffing my face with pizza, burgers, dogs, ice cream, etc. I did manage to get in a run on Sunday morning around the Sewanee campus. That was nice. Beyond that it was a mostly dull weekend, I guess.....

I watched Monsoon Wedding tonight which was just fine. I used to work with several folks from India, so it was interesting to get a peek into their culture. The plot, sadly, was pretty generic, though. I'll give it 3 stars on NetFlix.

I guess I haven't announced the big news to the two or three of you who actually read this blog. Last week I accepted a 6-month contract position at AutoTrader.com. Hopefully it will turn into something permanent after the six months are up. At least it's a break from doing pretty much nothing all day at SRTA, so it'll be a nice respite if nothing else. And more $$$ is never a bad thing....

Ah, well....I've got to get up early and get into the office to deploy a new build, so I've got to head to bed. G'night, all!

Faces

2005-06-29T12:43:00.000-04:00

The Snowsuit Effort is a blog by a guy who goes out and takes pictures of people he meets and captions them with snippets of their conversations. Many of the subjects are homeless. They are the faces from which I avert my eyes when I see them on the streets of Atlanta. They are the faces of Christ.

From an online biography of Saint Francis:

One day while riding through the countryside, Francis, the man who loved beauty, who was so picky about food, who hated deformity, came face to face with a leper. Repelled by the appearance and the smell of the leper, Francis nevertheless jumped down from his horse and kissed the hand of the leper. When his kiss of peace was returned, Francis was filled with joy. As he rode off, he turned around for a last wave, and saw that the leper had disappeared. He always looked upon it as a test from God...that he had passed.

How many tests have I failed today?

Suffering

2005-06-29T09:39:00.000-04:00

The topic of suffering has come up a couple of times in my morning reading. First of all, there was this article that I received from the Bruderhof community. The author writes of an acquaintance who wishes to have no part of Christianity because it is "a religion of suffering." But the author rightly points out that if one is alive one cannot avoid suffering in some way or another, and the appealing aspect of Christianity (for me anyway) is that Jesus experienced the same life (suffering and all) that I experience. That thought for me is why I have difficulty with those who argue that Jesus was fully or even partially divine; that would have given him a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, if you will, that none of the rest of us have. And for me, that makes his passion (which means "suffering" as we all know) less of a sacrifice and ultimately less meaningful to me. As Jesus himself said:

‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:12-13)

RealLivePreacher is guest blogger on The World According to Chuck and has posted an essay from his book which expresses perfectly to me how Christianity can indeed help to ease suffering. It's one of the most moving pieces which I have ever read, and it's events like these depicted which would frighten me most about becoming a priest. I don't know whether I have the resolve or the strength of mind, heart, and soul to be able to provide any sort of comfort to those who suffer.

Of course, if I am truly being called to serve, I have faith that God will provide me with the resolve and strength to do whatever needs to be done. But there are things in my life which need to be sorted out before I return to that potentiality. In the meantime I can at least ponder these questions and perhaps they are indeed a part of my discernment of vocation?

Yes, a meme

2005-06-11T11:29:00.000-04:00

Since I just bought my iPod and am in the process of transferring my CDs to mp3 (I'm only on the M's!), this looked like an interesting meme to me (stolen from my friend Elizabeth):

1. What is your total number of songs? 4151

2. Sort by song title.

a.What's the first song? "'69 El Camino" by Southern Culture on the Skids

b. What's the last song? "Zoot Suit Riot" by Cherry Poppin' Daddies

3. Sort by play time.

a. what's the first song? The shortest actual song (there's a few funky interlude/dialog tracks) is "I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today" from the Avenue Q soundtrack.

b. what's the last song? The longest single song is "Octovarium" by Dream Theater at 24:00.

4. Sort by Album name. Ignoring any empty entries,

a. what's the first album? A Blueprint of the World by Enchant

b. what's the last album? Zoot Suit Riot by Cherry Poppin' Daddies

5. What are the 5 most often played songs? Well, they're all from Dr. Delcamp's CDs of organ music. I put that particular playlist on when I head to bed.

6. Search for "Sex". How many songs? Well, 0 songs with sex in the title, however all the songs from The Escape Club's Dollars and Sex show up.

7. Search for "Death". How many songs? 4 plus all of the tracks from Iron Maiden's Live After Death.

8. Search for "Love". How many songs? 231, but that includes all tracks from Faith Hope Love, For Lovers Only, Hounds of Love, House of Love, Love Actually, plus all Patty Loveless and Lyle Lovett tracks.

Faith in Chaos?

2005-06-02T21:35:00.000-04:00

I just watched a film by Darren Aronofsky called Pi: Faith in Chaos. I don't want to reveal too much of the plot, but it involves a mathematician who is convinced that there is a pattern to the ups and downs of the stock market. When he comes close to finding that pattern, he is accosted by two different groups - one a group of businesspeople who wish to use his discovery to control the market and their fortunes and one a group of Hasidic Jews who are convinced that the pattern can provide them with a long-lost way of communicating with God. I suppose you could say it's part The Matrix and part Indiana Jones. It's really something all its own, though, and it certainly puts one in an odd frame of mind. Obviously, it inspired me enough to log on here and put down a word or two....

The thoughts in my head are revolving around idolatry. Obviously, the deification of the greenback dollar is one major form of idolatry which most of us have encountered on occasion. However, my question is this - can the pursuit of some "secret" about God become a form of idolatry? I think it can, and I think it was well presented in this film. Gnosticism, of course, comes immediately to mind, as do all those wacky books that you can find offering mathematical proof of the existence of God or some sort of code that is hidden in the Bible which foretells future events. To think that we can confine God into any sort of definition, well, isn't that a form of blasphemy?

When we go looking for proof, we are basically saying that we have no need of faith. At least, that's the conclusion that I've come to....

I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of this sin, no, not at all. Just like many other folks, I'm fascinated by the "quest for the historical Jesus," and any new archaeological find that comes to light (i.e., the ossuary of James, the cave that may have once housed John the Baptist, etc.). When I had cable, I used to love watching those, dare I say, exploitative programs on The Discovery Channel or The History Channel about The Spear of Longinus or the possibility of finding Noah's Ark. Those programs are all well and good, I suppose, but they do absolutely nothing in the manner of deepening my faith. Are they, perhaps, distractions? I don't know....

But on to the subtitle of the film - Faith in Chaos. Can faith be found in something that can be defined or touched or put on display? Or can faith only truly be found in the undefinable, the unknowable, the untouchable? There is a certain beauty in chaos, and maybe that's why....

At any rate, it was an excellent film, and I highly recommend it to anyone who finds either the topics of mathematics and science or religion and theology interesting. Plus, any film that can make one do a bit of thinking isn't a bad film at all. I'm going to head over to Netflix and give it five stars.

You Only Live Twice?

2005-05-16T10:30:00.000-04:00

I read a brief exchange this morning between a theologian and a scientist on the subject of reincarnation. I honestly did not get a whole lot out of the exchange itself, but there were a couple of links to information on reincarnation that I heartily enjoyed.

The first is a relatively brief treatise on the debate over reincarnation in the early church, most of it centered on the writings of Origen. Those writings were later condemned as heresy, but it's interesting to read excerpts. Origen was greatly influenced by Plato, and there is a good deal of Gnosticism present in the writings which makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'm not keen on the idea of there being a secret "club" of Christians which have information that other Christians aren't "ready" to know. I fall more in line with the idea that God's grace is given to all.

The second is a paper on the scientific studies that have been conducted surrounding reincarnation. It summarily rejects the studies which have been done and clearly defines why it does so. The primary focus of the paper is on the work of a Dr. Ian Stevenson who interviewed a number of children about possible "memories" that they had of their past lives. It's quite fascinating even if ultimately it cannot be clamied as scientific proof.

What are my own thoughts on reincarnation? I'm not really sure, as I haven't put a lot of thought into it. I'm reminded, though, of the very funny Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, and Rip Torn. In the movie Albert Brooks' character dies and goes to a place where he must defend the choices he made in his life. A panel of judges will decide whether he has successfully lived life well enough to move on to the "next stage." If not, he will return to Earth for yet another chance until he "gets it right." There's obviously something appealing to that idea; life on Earth is all we know and few of us like to think that death is the absolute end.

Does the idea of reincarnation conflict with the teachings of Jesus in the Bible? I don't necessarily believe so, but I'm no scholar. I may be interested in reading some more Origen, though, who certainly had no trouble with the idea. I'll definitely have to put some more thought into it....

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

2005-05-02T17:51:00.000-04:00

I'm a bad blogger....

I've had a busy time of it lately, actually....well, mostly....anyway....

What I'm writing about today are my thoughts on how EFM has affected my life over the course of the past nine months. I've had a LOT of change in my life over this period of time, and EFM has been there to provide somewhat of an anchor, a spot of calm. So let me work through this exercise:

Which episodes from the story of the people of God have stirred your heart and illuminated your mind?
Well, the focus of my study this year has been on the New Testament which I have never read in its entirety. Now that there are only a couple weeks left, all that remains to be read are the Johannine Epistles and Revelation. I have to say that reading all the stories that I'd always heard in Sunday morning readings in their proper context was interesting. Also, I struggled mightily with the Biblical text surrounding divorce as I was going through one. Thank God for second chances, that's all I have to say. Beyond all that, nothing really pushes to the forefront of my mine. I fear I haven't spent the time or thought on the lessons this year, as my personal life issues have caused my focus to shift. Ah, well....always next year!

What areas of your own life have been challenged by your reading and reflection?
See the aforementioned struggles with the NT text on divorce....

What circumstances and situations have continually engaged your attention?
As I said before, my personal life issues (coming to the decision to divorce, changing jobs, divorcing, moving, putting my life back together, learning to live as a single guy, dating, beginning a new relationship) have really kept me from putting forth as much effort into my studies as I would have liked.

What have you come to believe more strongly or in a new way?
Well, I'm now no longer sure that I'm being called to the ministry. I'm certainly taking time off from thinking about it while I get my life in order. I still (and even more) firmly believe that God grants us all plenty of second chances, and I've had my share this year. May God grant me the grace and wisdom to re-establish and re-focus my life.

Wish me luck!

TGIF!

2005-04-15T08:45:00.000-04:00

I've got a few things I'd like to blog about on this gloriously beautiful Friday morning.

First up, a quick movie review. On Wednesday evening I popped in my latest Netflix offering - the inimitable Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet. Let me begin by saying that R&J is probably my least favorite of the Bard's works. The Baz, though, updated the setting to modern times and made it far more interesting to me. He wisely kept the language intact, though. The performances were fine overall, and it certainly was an interesting cast. All that being said, it was most certainly a Baz Luhrmann film, made evident by the quick cuts, the inventive use of pop songs (loved the gospel choir singing "When Doves Cry"!), and the nearly-always-in-motion camera. You either love this guy's work or you hate it. Much as Moulin Rouge did, this film polarized filmgoers and critics alike. I, however, found a new appreciation for this oft-over-studied play and gave it 4/5 stars on Netflix.

Last evening I hit the local Jocks n' Jills for the usual Thursday night team trivia contest. The questions weren't nearly as difficult as last week, and we were doing fairly well up until the final bonus question. We, of course, wagered it all and missed the question. Doh! (If you're curious the question was: Which of Steven Spielberg's films was the first to gross more than $100 million in initial studio release? Our guess was E.T., but the correct answer was Jaws.)

I'm happy that it's Friday, needless to say. On tap for this evening will be a quick stop by LG's to say good-bye to EB who is returning to Tanzania tomorrow. I have pictures to give him of our weekend in DC. After that my buddy BS and I may catch a movie or just hang out. He's been working a lot of OT recently and could use a little R&R. Tomorrow I've got errands to run and then the Josh Joplin show at Eddie's Attic tomorrow night. Should be a rocking good time! Sunday is the Annual Parish Meeting at All Saints' with the vestry election and then the Waffle House Progressive Dinner with the EYC on Sunday evening. Good times!

Lastly, I'd like to link to this interesting snippet from Soren Kierkegaard lambasting the preponderance of Biblical commentary. I think that it's often way to easy to get caught up in all the theology and commentary when the basic questions are: "What is the Scripture saying to me?" and "How do I apply it to my life today?" I think that's why I enjoy the TR portion of EFM the best; it forces me to answer those basic questions.

Life! Don't talk to me about life....

2005-04-13T15:35:00.000-04:00

I've become somewhat obsessed with reading blogs....perhaps the voyeur in me? And I suppose that touch of exhibitionism in my personality is why I have a blog of my own....lol.

I guess I'm not sure what I want my life to be right now, and I'm not sure what to do about it, either. I've got this golden opportunity, though, at a second chance. And how do I spend my time???

Howzabout a movie review!! Haha.....

Seriously, I did watch The Professional last night. I've had friends tell me what a freaking fantastic movie this is and I do love Luc Besson's La Femme Nikita. This was no Nikita. I rated it three Netflix stars based primarily on the strong performances turned in by Gary Oldman (he's the MAN!), Danny Aiello, and a very, very young Natalie Portman. The whole Matilda/Leon thing was a little creepy to me, though, I'll admit. The story itself was a little weak, and I've heard that there is a longer version out there somewhere that fills in the holes. Netflix, however, only has the one version that I watched last evening. Ah, well....

Tonight I'm probably going for Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet. I LOVE the Baz. Moulin Rouge and Strictly Ballroom are two of my favorite movies.

Sorry that there's not too much else to report. It's working out to be a quiet week, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Gives me some time to think about the aforementioned definition of my life. Wish me luck!

Climbing back up....

2005-04-12T16:03:00.000-04:00

OK, so I fell off the face of the earth there for a while, right?

I've actually been pretty busy....(or is that just an excuse?) Last night in EFM, we did a theological reflection on the word "busy" and one thing that came out of it is that we often use "I'm busy" as an excuse to avoid things we don't want to do. Yeah, I'm guilty of that....

So what have I been up to? Well, I went to DC a couple weeks ago for the weekend, which was a good time. I played "tour guide" to E., the priest from Tanzania who is visiting my church. He had never been to the U.S. before and the rector wanted to give him a taste of the American capital. A friend of mine put his whole trip over here together and asked me if I'd like to go along. Originally she and another person were supposed to go along, as well, but those plans fell through. So, it was just me and E. Not bad.

We saw all the major highlights - the Capitol; the Library of Congress; the Supreme Court; the Smithsonian museums; the WWII, Korean War, Vietnam War, and Lincoln Memorials; the White House; Virginia Theological Seminary (he's interested in possibly attending); and Washington National Cathedral. Not bad for only being there for a weekend....

We stayed at the Rectory at St. James Capitol Hill which was a GREAT neighborhood. I absolutely love the little row houses and kept wondering exactly HOW expensive they are....not that I'd really want to live in DC....but they were so cool!

One thing that I'd like to "rant" a little about, though, is the commercialization of the National Cathedral. It's a beautiful, beautiful church, yes, and I do appreciate that fact. Does it really need this GIGANTIC gift shop in the basement, though? OK, yes, I was a bit overwhelmed when I walked into this shop; I saw plenty of stuff that I would have liked to own. Then I got to thinking....didn't Jesus command the rich young man to sell everything he owns and come and follow? Would that have included his nifty WNC faux leather bookmark? I was reminded of the movie The Bishop's Wife (one of my favorites) in which Cary Grant ultimately convinces the rich old lady to use her money for providing for the poor or some such instead of building a new mammoth cathedral.

OK, enough ranting about that. The trip was nice, so 'nuff said.

This past weekend was my dad's 60th birthday, so I trekked up to Tennessee and hung out with the family for a while. Nothing terribly exciting to report; it was just a typical visit. I could tell, though, that my mom, sister, and aunt were just itching to ask me about the woman I've been seeing lately (which is probably another reason why I haven't been here that much....lol).

So, now you're all caught up on the comings and goings of my oh-so-fascinating life....crikey, I'm still fumbling around like a doofus. Maybe one of these days I'll figure out where I'm going. Maybe?

Ketchup

2005-03-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

Yes, I realize that it's been a while since I've posted anything. It's been quite the busy week, though, what with Tenebrae, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and (of course) Easter itself. (Yes, I realize I left out Holy Saturday. I was a complete slug, I am ashamed to say, and made it neither to the Holy Saturday service at All Saints' nor the Easter Vigil at Christ the King. Ah, well....) At any rate, this post will undoubtedly be very stream-of-consciousness in nature (mostly from catching up on my blogs), and so off we go!

I want this t-shirt.

And check this out....crikey!

Bettie Bookish wrote this moving article.

And that, as the saying goes, is that. I'm out of time and heading home. Sorry there wasn't much meat here.

What price life?

2005-03-22T15:50:00.000-05:00

This just irritates me. Thanks to Thinking Anglicans for posting a link to the article. How many lives could be saved by accepting that money?

I also came across this fascinating series of illustrations via one of the blogs I read (but sadly have forgotten the particular one).

When I was visiting my parents for my mom's birthday this past weekend, the HBO original film about the 1994 Rwandan genocide Sometimes in April debuted. It was not quite as powerful as Hotel Rwanda, but it covered a little more ground, including a storyline involving the U.S. Assistant Secretary of State and her push to get the U.S. to intervene as well as some interesting scenes of the decade-later tribunals. I though it was well worth watching. You can find more details about it here.

And (as has everyone else, I'm sure) I've been reading a good bit about Terri Schiavo today. The viewpoints with which I've tended to agree have revolved around wondering where God is in all these deliberations. As someone (whom I, of course, do not remember) wrote, this controversy couldn't have happened a hundred years ago. While I'm not one of those Christians who rejects modern medical progress, I wonder where the line should be drawn and who should be drawing it. Regardless, I feel sorry for all involved and pray for guidance and peace for them.

Life is precious, though, a very precious gift. How often I forget that. Curiously, this Cowboy Junkies song was just playing on my PC:

"To Live Is to Fly"
I won't say I love you, babe
I won't say I need you, babe
But I'm gonna get you, babe
And I will not do you wrong

Living's mostly wasting time
And I waste my share of mine
But it never feels too good
So let's not take too long

I'm soft as glass
And you're a gentle man
We've got the sky to talk about
And the world to lie upon

Days up and down they come
Like rain on a conga drum
Forget most, remember some
But don't turn none away

Everything is not enough
Nothing is too much to bear
Where you've been is good and gone
All you keep's the getting there

To live is to fly
Low and high
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes

It's goodbye to all my friends
It's time to go again
Think of all the poetry
And all the pickin' down the line

I'll miss the system here
The bottom's low and the treble's clear
But it don't pay to think too much
On the things you leave behind

I may be gone
I won't be long
I'll be bringing back the melody
And all the rhythms that I find

We all got holes to fill
And them holes are all that's real
Some fall on you like a stone
Sometimes you dig your own

But choice is yours to make
And time is yours to take
Some dive into the sea
Some toil upon the stone

To live is to fly
Low and high
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes

Time to fly....

Fantastic Prayer

2005-03-16T16:23:00.000-05:00

Real Live Preacher posted a fantastic prayer today....

Perhaps more later....

Not really a terrible surprise....

2005-03-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

The Prioress
You scored 5% Cardinal, 71% Monk, 55% Lady, and 43% Knight!

You are a moral person and are also highly intellectual. You like your
solitude but are also kind and helpful to those around you. Guided by a
belief in the goodness of mankind you will likely be christened a saint
after your life is over.

You scored high as both the Lady and the Monk. You can try again to
get a more precise description of either the Monk or the lady, or you
can be happy that you're an individual.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 1% on Cardinal
You scored higher than 94% on Monk
You scored higher than 96% on Lady
You scored higher than 35% on Knight

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

On a Quiet Day

2005-03-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

Something seems to be pushing me to write it seems....it's quite strange, actually.

On Saturday morning I attended the Lenten Quiet Day at church. I was sadly the only non-clergy or non-staff person there, but there also was an unexpected funeral going on at the same time, so perhaps some of those folks might have come otherwise. I did not know the person who died, although I had heard a good deal about her. She was only 30....younger than me....wow....

The Quiet Day focused on the teachings of Brother Lawrence, a lay brother of the Carmelite order who lived in 17th century Paris. He is known primarily through his letters and conversations with Father Joseph de Beaufort who published them and other notes about Brother Lawrence in a book called The Practice of the Presence of God. For further details on Brother Lawrence, have a look at this page.

The leader gave us four readings (two Psalms, a Gospel reading, and one of the letters of Br. Lawrence) upon which we were to think and pray. I journaled for a good bit in a quite stream-of-conciousness fashion, first asking that God grant me the grace to be able to center myself in His presence. The results were interesting to say the least.

In praying with Psalm 42, I came to the conclusion that, although I long for the presence of God in my life, I sometimes find myself pushing Him away. Sometimes I insist upon having my own way regardless of my prayer that "Thy will be done." I was reminded of a section of Debra Farrington's Hearing with the Heart in which she discusses the "Prayer of Examen, or the Examination of Conscience, an ancient spiritual practice [which] helps us pay attention to our proximity to and our distance from God and God's desires for us." She illustrates her point with a story of a little fish who swims around looking for the ocean refusing to believe that the ocean is all around him. The Psalmist speaks of God's waves and billows washing over him. How often I don't notice the waves and billows....

The Gospel reading was from Matthew and we were to focus on the distractions in our life, those things which tempt us away from the presence of God. The general conclusion reached by all is that life itself is a distraction. One thing that came to my mind as I prayed with this scripture was the line that Brad Pitt's character Tyler Durden speaks in Fight Club: "The things you own end up owning you." I believe that a simpler life is a better life, true, but I always seem to find ways to complicate it further, don't I?

With Psalm 131 we were to think on how we might fight the distractions of our lives. The obvious answer is, of course, found in practicing the presence of God, in praying ceaselessly, making our entire lives a prayer. But that's certainly easier said than done. I found that even though I pray often for God to calm and quiet my soul, I am often unsettled by the silence. Why am I so afraid? I wonder whether I fear that God might be trying to send me another wake-up call, and I'm terrified that I might hear it and have to do something about it....see how I push Him away again?

The final text was Br Lawrence's Fifth Letter (To the Reverend Father N) which sort of gave an overview of his spiritual practices. I did no journaling on this text for some reason, but one image remains in my mind from the letter: "Sometimes I think of myself as a piece of stone before its sculptor, from which he intends to make a statue. Setting myself thus before God, I beg him to shape his perfect image in my soul, and to make me exactly like him." What a beautiful image....

I came away from the Quiet Day with a certain hope, though. Yes, life is a distraction, and yes, sometimes I push God away (sometimes when I need Him the most), but I do have within me the ability to combat the distractions. It requires practice, though, but it's a practice that I'm willing (even eager) to undertake. May God help me on the journey....

The Power of Fear

2005-03-11T11:13:00.000-05:00

There's no one more dangerous than someone who has nothing to lose....

Fear is a transformative power.

This morning in downtown Atlanta a man who was under trial on rape charges wrestled a gun away from a deputy sheriff and shot and killed Judge Rowland Barnes, a court reporter, and a deputy. One other deputy was also shot. I pray for them all.

The man escaped and proceeded to hijack a series of cars, including one from the parking deck of my building I'm told. We are under lockdown; no one is being allowed in or out of the building. Several schools have also been locked down as the manhunt continues.

I was initially afraid, sure. When a killer is on the loose and has been tracked to the same building in which you work, it sparks those feelings of "what if." I mean, what's to stop him from taking the elevator to the 25th floor and opening fire up here? Apparently, he has left the downtown area, though, but that is not certain.

I think about the man, too, though. He had a trial last week which ended in a hung jury. Today's trial was set to determine what was to be next for him. I can only guess that he was very afraid; fear which led to a desperate act. His fear transformed him.

Last evening I saw Hotel Rwanda, and it was an anguishing, shameful experience for me. The film did not shy away from portraying the violence of the situation, although it was able to do so in a non-explicit fashion. Mr. Gibson could take a lesson from this film, in my opinion, for I felt shame coming out of this film that I did not feel from The Passion.

I think back to 1994 when the genocide was occurring. Where was I? What was I doing? I don't recall even knowing about it; I was too involved in my own trivial problems to worry about something going on halfway around the world. Joaquin Phoenix's character summed it up very succinctly, "If people see this they'll say 'Oh my God, that is horrible,' and then go on eating their dinners."

Fear worked its transformative power in the film, too:

*SPOILERS*
Paul, the hotel manager, in a key scene near the end of the film confronts a General of the Rwandan army who has just accepted a bribe of bottles of scotch, jewelry, etc. Paul wishes to be taken back to the hotel where his wife and children (along with over 1,000 refugees) await virtually unprotected. The General states that he will take Paul to a safe place in exchange for the bribe but that he will not return to the hotel. Paul's fear for his family transforms him. Thinking quickly, he insists that the General's name is known by the Americans and that he will be charged with war crimes if Paul is not available to testify in his defense, and Paul will not defend him if he is not taken back to retrieve his family. Of course, it's completely untrue, but the General believes it. He draws his gun and insists that Paul defend him. Paul, though, does not fear death for himself, insisting that he cannot defend the General if he is dead. The General utlimately acquiesces to Paul's request to return to the hotel.
*END SPOILERS*

Did Jesus fear? Matthew 26:39 tells us that Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane on the evening before the crucifixion, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want." Luke (in some sources) reports that "In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground." The excretion of bloody sweat (hematridosis) is a rare but medically valid condition which may occur in a person in a highly emotional state. Was that fear?

How do my fears transform me? I don't think they strengthen me as they did Paul in the movie, but I think they more likely weaken me as they did the shootist. Who could I be if I changed that around?

God, make me brave for life: oh, braver than this.
Let me straighten after pain, as a tree straightens after the rain,
Shining and lovely again.
God, make me brave for life: much braver than this.
As the blown grass lifts, let me rise
From sorrow with quiet eyes,
Knowing Thy way is wise.
God, make me brave, life brings
Such blinding things.
Help me to keep my sight;
Help me to see aright
That out of darkness comes light.
-Author Unknown

Festival of Links

2005-03-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't updated in a few days, and I have yet to comment on Friday's lecture by Archbishop Ndungane....suffice to say that I enjoyed it greatly. Here is a link to a website that was mentioned at the lecture and that provides information about the Millennium Development Goals, etc:

Episcopalians for Global Reconciliation

I felt motivated enough by the lecture to send emails to my government representatives as well as our illustrious President to suppor the MDGs.

I also sent emails calling for an end to the genocide in Darfur inspired by Don Cheadle's visit to the region. His goal is to prevent Hotel Darfur. I'll be seeing Hotel Rwanda on Thursday evening. Looking forward to it. More info can be found at SaveDarfur.org.

Really, though, the reason that I'm posting at all is to provide yet another link, this one to a post by a blogger that seems to be making its way around the Episcopal/Christian blogs that I read. This blogger wrote up his own modern-day version of the Samaritan woman at the well, and it seems to be striking a chord with lots of people. Anyway, you can read it here.

Enjoy!

Out of Africa

2005-03-04T15:08:00.000-05:00

Forgive me as I go back and forth from reading some commentary on 1 Corinthians 12 and writing my musings here....

Let me start with a bit of background first, though. In EFM a couple of weeks ago my year's lesson was on the theology of Paul. One theme of that particular lesson was Paul's concept of "solidarity," basically that we are all one in the body of Christ. I talked some about my struggles with this concept, specifically that it "looks good on paper" but is difficult to execute.

We live in a world in which we are divided into categories - blue states and red states, black and white, male and female, straight and gay, etc. We certainly don't act as though we are one in the body of Christ. And that includes me. I have my own set of prejudices with which I struggle on a daily basis.

I think, though, that I just wasn't grasping Paul's point, as though that isn't amazingly obvious. Whether we act like it or not, we really are all the body of Christ, and it seems to me that the body is not well. Here is a bit from the commentary I've been reading:

There should be ways in which we, as individual believers and as a local church, express our identification with the larger “church.” For example, when the Federal Building was blown up in Oklahoma City a couple months ago, many individuals in Dallas were greatly concerned and sought to help in some way. Less than 200 people were killed in that explosion, as terrible as that is. But at the same time, hundreds of thousands are dying of a terrible virus in Africa, yet there is not the same degree of concern or involvement. Why? Because we do not feel a part of those dying in Africa. In the case of the Oklahoma City tragedy, we are thinking of ourselves, “That could have been me, or one of my family, or a friend.” If the whole body benefits from the success of one member, or suffers from the hurt of one member, then you and I ought to be very concerned about fellow believers around the world. They are a part of the body of Christ. They depend upon us, as we upon them. There must not be such a thing as isolationism in the church of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The only issue that I take with the preceding quotation is that he seems to suggest that only believers are a part of the body of Christ which seems to me a dangerous suggestion to put forth. What really strikes me, though, is the contrast of the responses to the OK City bombing and the AIDS epidemic (obviously this was written a few years back).

Recently the problems in Africa have been making their way across my radar for some reason. This evening I will be attending a lecture at St. Luke's Episcopal Church by the Most Reverend Njongonkulu Ndungane, Archbishop of Cape Town, South Africa. He will be speaking on global poverty and hunger. When I told a friend of mine (of the conservative fundamentalist type) where I was going this evening, his reaction was to quickly affirm that the lecture would simply be a forum for denouncing the U.S. as an evil empire. I certainly hope that that is not the case, and with what little I've read about the Archbishop, I don't believe it will be.

A little later on I was telling another friend (of a more moderate bent) that I am going to try to see Hotel Rwanda this weekend. He said that he is really only interested in seeing the movie if it is really well-done, that the topic of the movie itself just isn't interesting to him. I suppose that I shouldn't be terribly surprised by that sentiment, as it seems to be a common one. I read, though, an article yesterday or the day before in which the author suggests that pastors should recommend Hotel Rwanda to their congregations over The Passion of the Christ this Lenten season. I know that I myself felt compelled to run out and see Mel's vision of the Gospels just to see what all the hype was about. We won't dwell on what I thought of it....

Also, on an Episcopal Church mailing list of which I am a member, there has been some debate on the recent pronouncement from the Primates' Meeting last week in Ireland which asked the Episcopal Church (USA) and the Anglican Church of Canada to voluntarily withdraw themselves from the Anglican Consultative Council until the next meeting of the Lambeth Conference in 2008. Some of the African Primates apparently held a celebratory dinner that evening, led by Peter Akinola, the Bishop of Nigeria. Some folks put forth the notion that many if not most Anglican leaders in Africa seem to be far more concerned with the sexuality issues of the West than they are with the economic and health issues facing their own countries. That may or may not be true, but aren't we here in the West guilty of the same thing?

At any rate, to tie all of this up in a raggedy bow, I think about the damage to the body of Christ that we are doing by ignoring the problems of the world. I think of the concept that I think is used to describe chaos theory - a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the world and you get rain instead of sun on the other. Whether we know it or not, the decisions that we make on a day-to-day basis affect the world in which we live, affect the body of Christ. I think of the bumper sticker that we've all probably seen - Think Globally, Act Locally. As many times as I've seen it, I've never really thought about what it actually means until today.

So what does all of this have to do with finding my way? With finding my purpose? I'm really not sure yet, but it certainly is an interesting journey. And as they say, getting there is half the fun.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled....

2005-03-03T16:53:00.000-05:00

....was convincing the world he didn't exist.

I just read an interesting little article/sermonette by the vicar of St. Matthew-in-the-City, an Anglican church in Auckland, NZ, about the existence of Satan. He sees the devil strictly as a literary device and makes the point that many folks condemn other folks as evil to justify their own bigotry. And it's a good point. I especially like this chunk of it:

Theologically Jews and Christians are monotheists. There is only one God. There is not a good God and a bad God. There is no cosmic war with God and the angelic armies on one side and Satan and the demonic hordes on the other. Apocalyptic literature created such a war to fortify its own position.

I had never really thought about the question from this angle before. I am still left troubled, though.

Is there such a thing as evil?

I'm reminded, of course, of the movie Time Bandits, at the end of which the young boy yells for his parents not to to touch the steaming hunk of lava-looking rock as it's Evil. Real evil. Evil with a capital E. But is there such a force? Or is evil simply a tendency that we all have that emanates from our own sinfulness? I don't know....

And can a person believe in angels without also believing in demons? Again, a question to which I don't have the answer. I'm not really sure what I believe about it at all, but I'll surely think on it.

In the meantime I have to get up to All Saints' for Evening Prayer.

Another new home

2005-03-03T15:47:00.000-05:00

OK, so I'm going to give this site a try for a while....

I have been previously using LiveJournal, but after having read some of the entertaining blogs hosted on Blogger, I've decided that I like the templates far better here. Rather a silly reason for change, isn't it? But appearances are often catalysts for change, aren't they?

At any rate, I've pledged to my illustrious therapist to write when and if I feel like writing and to stop feeling guilty if I don't write as often as I feel I should. We'll see how that grand experiment goes.....

It is, though, a highly uninteresting day, as usual. This evening I will be heading up to the local Jocks 'n' Jills for team trivia, which I haven't done in what seems like ages. I'm looking forward to it, most assuredly.

Before that, though, will be Evening Prayer at 5:30 and then (hopefully) a bit of exercise. Perhaps I'll give running another try today, eh? I'll report on that progress later....